Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
