Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
