if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
i've created a new STD.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
