On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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