You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
