i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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