if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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