I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
