I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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