Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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