The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
