I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize