Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
