i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
