Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize