Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
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