i jhust puked up my retainher.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
