Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
