i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
