I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
