i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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