I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
