the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I will pee on everything he values.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
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