do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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