I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
its liver damage thursday
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
