his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
