I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is Oprah even human
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
