It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
