Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
