We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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