dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
