It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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