i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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