They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
