How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
