i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
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It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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