when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
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Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
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I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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