Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
