craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
