I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
