apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
