DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
