Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
