i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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