I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
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Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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