Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
