I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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