Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
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I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
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How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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