Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
