no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
