i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
