Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
