Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
