My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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