So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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