paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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