Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
