I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
