OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The ass gains better be worth it
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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