my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
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