I got chris browned last night
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
