Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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