She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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