from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
